just got back from the reception. one of the weirder weddings/receptions i've been too. the reception was at seafood place #2. funny enough. tacky wedding singer and all. i was so glad to see wilma there when we arrived. that girl and i are so on the same page. hopefully she'll come and visit this year. and then very sad she left so early. i have quite a time getting along with alot of my dad's side of the family. ESPECIaLLY the girls. a hard time with my own family the albularios but not the rest of my say second cousins etc. we just don't click and i'm not sure what it is. i think they have a sort of resentment for me and my brother, me in particular. sort of an uspoken thing though. i think? i know. you see my dad has set it up forever that we're like the superior kids, the superior family. i feel like the girls try to tell me all the amazing things that are going on in their lives, not because they want me to know and they care, but because they need to one up me somehow. i read this and it seems like i'm just making excuses for that, but i honestly do think that's why they do it. i don't want to compete with them at all. if theyre doing something better and cooler than me...then that's fine. i'm happy for them. well my dad, i guess it's been like that for him since he's the eldest brother. my dad is not a humble man. he likes to brag. he thinks his kids are better than his neices and nephews. he would even admit to it if someone asked. for example, i never got in trouble when i was little. barely ever. never. when my aunt's family lived with us, steph and i would do something bad like dismantle our bikes to hanglide from the tree by our handlebars, or almost burn the house down, make messes, etc. i would never get yelled at...ever. steph would always get the shit yelled out of her by my dad. hence the resentment. the baena family lived with us for a while and the treatment of me and the girls was never equal. i would always get the better of anything. the better seat at dinner the better piece of meat. i dunno, just supid little shit. i went to the better school. i got more priiviliges. i honestly do wish i was close to them. i do. i wish i could be myself around them. i wish we could all be on the same page. but i'm not. these people lived in the same house as me for years, and we are all more distant than i am with anyone else in the family. and it's just a stupid dumb thing i think about. but then again, it makes me really sad. upset. i'm not one to fight for the spotlight and they are. among them i get lost. i don't blame this solely on my dad. it is also because of this very idea of them that i have that makes me so uncomfortable around them. i swear that i will never be this way with my own children. things will be fair. my kids will be respected and everyone will be loved the same. blah blah blah. this entry was kind of pointless i just had to clear my head.

on a better note. i bought a pair of khaki shorts for like $4 today and it made me really happy. dark water was kind of a shitty movie. i love my new pink dress i wore to the wedding. i found ben sherman stuff and i'm glad matt liked it. he spent too much money, but i'm glad he liked something i found. my aunts do not like my dad's girlfriend. that's not on a better note i just found it interesting. old people are so damn adorable. vietnamese wedding are so weird.

i gotta call matt tonight i think he's at a movie. tomorrow: visit angel at champagne bakery? visit matt at red robin? and i dunno. i would like to see friends but i feel like i should spend some time with my gran. we'll see.

off to dad's house tonight. i feel bad a little cuz we don't stay there much anymore. so here we go. goodnight.